Sunday, August 31, 2008
My Almost Last Goodbye
My Almost Last Goodbye
Suicide is a decision that many youngsters turn to as a method to solve all their problems. I've ever wondered the rationale behind that always drives someone to make this decision. Many blame the stressful society, many blame god for being unfair to them and depression. What exactly is the correct reason?
Many factors contribute to these rationales. That is why many say that there are a few warning signs to it which include; verbal threats, expressions of hopeless-ness or helpless-ness, previous suicide attempts, daring and risk-taking behavior, personality changes, depression, giving away prized possessions and lack of interest in the future.
Just last night, i experienced something like what i've just typed and i'm glad i'm still alive. I'm glad i didn't succumb to that beckoning to end my life. But getting through this phase ain't easy at all. I need a lot of willpower to overcome. Everything in my life just doesn't fall into place suddenly. It's depressing to find out and even more depressing when there's nothing to vent your frustrations on. I am restricted, limited and even controlled.
Ever since she moved in, all you care about is her. Yes, she is family. But is that the sole reason to why you're ignoring and being insensitive to my feelings? You are just making my hatred grow more for you. You want me to be independent. But you don't give me the chance to. Eventually don't blame me for being heartless. You built this in me. I'll remember. I'm not academically inclined and i always thought the path you chosed for me was right. But i'm not cut out for it though i really try very hard. Who doesn't want to be successful in life? But you're stressing me too much till i can hardly breathe. Am i not your daughter anymore? Is pushing me to suicide what you really want?!
Perhaps it's because i have a boyfriend in school that i'm pretty much neglecting you; my friend. But i don't like hanging out with all your friends either. It's not that they're not nice nor friendly, they're just not my type. But they just seemed more important to you than me. I feel so out of place, so left out. So i decided to turn to love instead. I tried coming back to you time and again, but to no avail. You have another best friend in class now. It's just not the same for us anymore. It's a pity for us now that everything has changed to a point that we don't even talk much in class anymore. You smile at me and say hello; but i know deep under we both know we'll never be what we used to be. This saddens me a lot and i'm super stressed but i know no matter what i do now, things will still stay the way they are. Is suicide the only way to make you keep me in your memory?
Baby, you're someone so special, so special to me. You are the one i've been in search for the past few years and i'm glad i still found you. You've made me so happy the past 4 months that i've never regretted being with you. I've found my laughters and smiles throughout this love journey. You've kept me company these few months and i still want you to keep me company after. I like it when you say i'm your only star player on your single-man team and that i'm your trophy of love. You know you mean a lot to me and i'm thankful. Though you're insensitive sometimes, you still try to find ways and means to make it up to me. That's enough baby. I don't wanna find a new love and i don't wanna you to find a new love either. I've promised not to keep mum bout any problems and i'll not break this promise this time. I'm sorry i've been so possessive. But that's because i don't really have good friends anymore. Things have changed and i don't know why. I swear i'm so crazy about you and i love your chinese texts messages that i keep every one of them. I know you're very serious bout me and i can sense it, no unfaithful love here. As promised. And i can't let you go now. I'm sorry i didn't mean to hurt my cute croc, i love you deeply. Don't hurt me either, i swear i won't know what to do. Now that i'm really lost, i need you to lead the way through this with me. I don't wanna be lost without you. I need to keep my life going and i can't lose it anymore. Thanks for giving me that last call baby. If not i know i'll be gone forever..
Many factors contribute to these rationales. That is why many say that there are a few warning signs to it which include; verbal threats, expressions of hopeless-ness or helpless-ness, previous suicide attempts, daring and risk-taking behavior, personality changes, depression, giving away prized possessions and lack of interest in the future.
Just last night, i experienced something like what i've just typed and i'm glad i'm still alive. I'm glad i didn't succumb to that beckoning to end my life. But getting through this phase ain't easy at all. I need a lot of willpower to overcome. Everything in my life just doesn't fall into place suddenly. It's depressing to find out and even more depressing when there's nothing to vent your frustrations on. I am restricted, limited and even controlled.
Ever since she moved in, all you care about is her. Yes, she is family. But is that the sole reason to why you're ignoring and being insensitive to my feelings? You are just making my hatred grow more for you. You want me to be independent. But you don't give me the chance to. Eventually don't blame me for being heartless. You built this in me. I'll remember. I'm not academically inclined and i always thought the path you chosed for me was right. But i'm not cut out for it though i really try very hard. Who doesn't want to be successful in life? But you're stressing me too much till i can hardly breathe. Am i not your daughter anymore? Is pushing me to suicide what you really want?!
Perhaps it's because i have a boyfriend in school that i'm pretty much neglecting you; my friend. But i don't like hanging out with all your friends either. It's not that they're not nice nor friendly, they're just not my type. But they just seemed more important to you than me. I feel so out of place, so left out. So i decided to turn to love instead. I tried coming back to you time and again, but to no avail. You have another best friend in class now. It's just not the same for us anymore. It's a pity for us now that everything has changed to a point that we don't even talk much in class anymore. You smile at me and say hello; but i know deep under we both know we'll never be what we used to be. This saddens me a lot and i'm super stressed but i know no matter what i do now, things will still stay the way they are. Is suicide the only way to make you keep me in your memory?
Baby, you're someone so special, so special to me. You are the one i've been in search for the past few years and i'm glad i still found you. You've made me so happy the past 4 months that i've never regretted being with you. I've found my laughters and smiles throughout this love journey. You've kept me company these few months and i still want you to keep me company after. I like it when you say i'm your only star player on your single-man team and that i'm your trophy of love. You know you mean a lot to me and i'm thankful. Though you're insensitive sometimes, you still try to find ways and means to make it up to me. That's enough baby. I don't wanna find a new love and i don't wanna you to find a new love either. I've promised not to keep mum bout any problems and i'll not break this promise this time. I'm sorry i've been so possessive. But that's because i don't really have good friends anymore. Things have changed and i don't know why. I swear i'm so crazy about you and i love your chinese texts messages that i keep every one of them. I know you're very serious bout me and i can sense it, no unfaithful love here. As promised. And i can't let you go now. I'm sorry i didn't mean to hurt my cute croc, i love you deeply. Don't hurt me either, i swear i won't know what to do. Now that i'm really lost, i need you to lead the way through this with me. I don't wanna be lost without you. I need to keep my life going and i can't lose it anymore. Thanks for giving me that last call baby. If not i know i'll be gone forever..
undermyskin ♥ , 10:03 PM.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Since I Last Smiled
Since I Last Smiled
When was the last time i smiled when you did too? When was the last time since i laughed happily at a joke? When was the last time i cam-whored with no mixed feelings? When was the last time i didn't have to hide my feelings? When was the last time i had a proper meal?
Finding back the old me ain't easy. After multiple sessions of tearing, after multiple heart to heart talks did everything flow out naturally. That's when i realised that there are still people who do care and people who love me.
I'm sure i'll pull through this phase of life & be fine. I thank you for the support you've given me, the mental torture that you've been subjected to with me & helping me regain my smile back gradually. The most important person of my life; BABY~ =)
It was sucha crucial day today, i pulled it through. With the never-ending patience and understandings! This post is dedicated to you, love.
I miss the good old times. Reverting back to what we used to be. =)) I'm super duper glad.
H I J K L M N O! (Don't smack my head please.) =P
P.S: I haven't seen me happy for so long..
Finding back the old me ain't easy. After multiple sessions of tearing, after multiple heart to heart talks did everything flow out naturally. That's when i realised that there are still people who do care and people who love me.
I'm sure i'll pull through this phase of life & be fine. I thank you for the support you've given me, the mental torture that you've been subjected to with me & helping me regain my smile back gradually. The most important person of my life; BABY~ =)
It was sucha crucial day today, i pulled it through. With the never-ending patience and understandings! This post is dedicated to you, love.
I miss the good old times. Reverting back to what we used to be. =)) I'm super duper glad.
H I J K L M N O! (Don't smack my head please.) =P
P.S: I haven't seen me happy for so long..
undermyskin ♥ , 10:42 PM.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Creative Photography With Canon
Creative Photography With Canon
In-line with the newest contest hosted by NUFFNANG. =X
I'm submitting this photo for the contest. Hopefully it'll bring us some results. =P
LIVE YOUR DIGITAL DREAM WITH CANON = http://www.digitaldreams.com.sg
undermyskin ♥ , 7:20 PM.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
The Big O
The Big O
Chiong-ING for promos right now. I've got a feeling either i'll get Advanced or i'll get Retained. Either or gives me suck-ISH feelings. I wanna Promote! Shall do my best. Been studying so hard & so tired out lately that i've been falling sick. Nothing can make me recover; guess it's the stress? Sigh. But no choice, gotta PIA. =(
Birthday's over. And this year's birthday is the worse. Little presents received, no celebrations, just quiet moments. Something kept very low-profile. Bo bian, grandfather just passed away. Sigh. Enough of procrastinations!! (But Baby gave me the best present & the best time!) =)
Back to main topic of the day: Big-O Cafe & Restaurant. =)
Great ambience, great food, great service!
Seafood Marinara.
Steak & Mushroom Sandwich.
Home-Made Bratwurst Sausage.
Back To School.
It's located at Wheelock Place. =) Just opposite NYDC. =P
SIGH, I DETEST STAYING HOME TO MUG & I MISS MY BABY! =(
Anyway, PW's really fun, now. Haha. Our group does silly stuffs all the time! I can't wait to meet you guys later! Latest treats ice-cream! Woo-Hoo! =D
Birthday's over. And this year's birthday is the worse. Little presents received, no celebrations, just quiet moments. Something kept very low-profile. Bo bian, grandfather just passed away. Sigh. Enough of procrastinations!! (But Baby gave me the best present & the best time!) =)
Back to main topic of the day: Big-O Cafe & Restaurant. =)
Great ambience, great food, great service!
Seafood Marinara.
Steak & Mushroom Sandwich.
Home-Made Bratwurst Sausage.
Back To School.
It's located at Wheelock Place. =) Just opposite NYDC. =P
SIGH, I DETEST STAYING HOME TO MUG & I MISS MY BABY! =(
Anyway, PW's really fun, now. Haha. Our group does silly stuffs all the time! I can't wait to meet you guys later! Latest treats ice-cream! Woo-Hoo! =D
undermyskin ♥ , 10:10 AM.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Bags & Shoes
Bags & Shoes
I don't particularly like shopping. But sometimes i do want to buy things too, and there's a list of stuff i wanna buy. Lol. Believe it or not. It's CASSIE!
Burberry Nova Check Tote in BLACK.
Manhatten Portage Waxed Vintage Messenger Bag in BLACK.
Manhatten Portage Profession Bike Messenger Bag in NAVY.
Crocs Santa Cruz in OLIVE.
Crocs Beach Shoe in WHITE.
DC Status in WHITE ARMOR PINK.
And and that GUCCI mini flap french wallet in WHITE, that CALVIN KLEIN JEANS bag in BLACK GREY, that NIKE Dunks in BLACK, that M)PHOSIS long satin pants in BLACK, that bag from HAJI LANE and NOVO sandals in WHITE and so on. Lol.
There's many other things i wanna buy luh, just that can't get photos of them. Sigh. I have expensive taste. =X Realise they're all bout bags or shoes?!
ARGH! I'M A BAG & SHOE SHOPAHOLIC. Haha!
Burberry Nova Check Tote in BLACK.
Manhatten Portage Waxed Vintage Messenger Bag in BLACK.
Manhatten Portage Profession Bike Messenger Bag in NAVY.
Crocs Santa Cruz in OLIVE.
Crocs Beach Shoe in WHITE.
DC Status in WHITE ARMOR PINK.
And and that GUCCI mini flap french wallet in WHITE, that CALVIN KLEIN JEANS bag in BLACK GREY, that NIKE Dunks in BLACK, that M)PHOSIS long satin pants in BLACK, that bag from HAJI LANE and NOVO sandals in WHITE and so on. Lol.
There's many other things i wanna buy luh, just that can't get photos of them. Sigh. I have expensive taste. =X Realise they're all bout bags or shoes?!
ARGH! I'M A BAG & SHOE SHOPAHOLIC. Haha!
undermyskin ♥ , 9:26 AM.
